“Silent LOVE…” – $25 – #2

(05:29 AM)

While I was looking at Vennela, I felt like going near her and talking to her. Even though I strongly decided to not to disturb her any more, I couldn’t stop myself from going near to her and so started walking towards her. After I placed few steps, my mobile started ringing. It is Nandini who is calling me. When I took the mobile out, I noticed that the time is 05:30 and I have to reach airport as soon as possible. I then immediately started walking back.

(05:37 AM)

I reached the cab running and got into it.

“Hello Nandini. Sorry I dint notice the call.”

“Ok. Did you start? We reached airport.”

“Ya I am in cab. Will reach in 15 mins.”

“Okay ask the cab person to drop at the International Departure Wing.”

“Okay sure.”

“Come soon. We are waiting there.”

“Okay Nandini.”

(06:00 AM)

I felt like I missed my last chance of talking to her but then the one thing that made me most happier is that I at least saw her.

I reached airport by 06:00 exactly.

(06: 07 AM)

As soon as I reached there, I saw Nandini waiting for me.

“Hello Nandini.”

“Hey Prudhvi. Why are you late? Why did it took so long for you to reach here from hostel?”

“I finally reached on time right? Just leave it Nandini. Where is Suchi?”

“She is sitting there, come. Hey Prudhvi what about Akshay and others.”

“Akshay is on a vacation. And all others I met them yesterday night. I only told them not to come.”

“Okay.”

Me and Nandini walked to where Suchi sat down.

“Hello Suchi. Is it all comfortable ?”

“Yes Prudhvi. Did you pack everything? You dint forget anything right?”

“Yes Suchi I packed everything. Nandini will drop you at station okay. Call her if you need anything. I cannot take calls in flight.”

“Okay Prudhvi. I will do that. You take care. Call me once you reach there. Take food on time. ”

“Suchi Suchi. I know I know. Don’t open the list again. Sit down.”

(06:14 AM)

Nandini and me were having a little conversation regarding her marriage. While we both were talking, I saw Suchi starring at me.

“What happened Suchi?”

“Nothing Prudhvi. Carry on.”

“Tell Suchi. Is there anything?”

“Nothing Prudhvi. I am just wondering how much you have changed in these 3 years.”

“What happened Suchi?”

“I thought not to ask you. But then I was not able to stop myself as I want to understand you.”

“What are you talking about Suchi?”

“Whose photo is this Prudhvi?”

“Suchi. Where did you get this from?”

“First of all tell me whose photo is this?”

(Suchi showed me Vennela’s child hood pic)

“Suchi. That is my friends pic.”

“Okay. This pic may not speak the truth. But, this diary wont lie.”

I got shocked the moment she showed me the 2012 to 2013 diary. I used to write all the special moments with Vennela in diary right from the day I saw her. I never had the habit of writing a diary from child hood. But then I don’t know why, right from the moment I saw Vennela, I had a strong thought of keeping all the memories at a place apart from my heart and so I have chosen the diary way. I forgot that particular years diary in the bag which I gave to Suchi  along with the bunch of things to be kept at home.

That particular moment, I felt like my heart stopped for a moment. I never have hidden anything from Suchi. I used to tell her each and everything. But then I never spoke about Vennela with her. Not just with her, I never told about Vennela to any one as I myself am not clear about the relationship with her. And also I cannot keep talking about a girl with every one and make wrong projections just because she is talking to me or just because I like her smile.

“Come on speak Prudhvi. I am not asking because you have hidden it from me. I am asking it because I want to know what happened after 2012 and also mainly I want to make sure that you are not leaving this place with pain. You will be alone at Australia and I want to confirm that there are no thoughts in your mind that will make u lonely. I know you can be happy being alone. But, I know very well that you cannot be happy when you feel loneliness. Speak Prudhvi. Tell me what happened. I have noticed a lot of change in you but then I thought you are away from home for the first time and you are on your own now and so I have left it to whatever decisions you take. ”

“There is nothing like that Suchi.”

“Prudhvi. You know very well that you cannot hide anything from me. Stop hiding it from me. Speak out. I want to know what happened. I want to know the reason behind everything. Prudhvi. During the initial days, whenever you used to come home during vacation, you used to start on Friday nights. But then from last few times you are starting on Saturday mornings. You were never so sad on any birthday but then recently on your birthday, I have noticed you being very dull and kept starring at your mobile. That day itself I thought of asking you what happened. You like non-veg very much but then all of a sudden from last 15 months you stopped it without any reason. What is all this Prudhvi? You never changed yourself for anything and anyone. But now look at yourself in how many things you have changed. I want to know what happened to  you, who is Vennela and what made you to change yourself in these many ways.”

That particular situation, I was not knowing what to answer her. Every question Suchi asked me, I felt like I am asking myself. Why did I change myself for her, Why am I so mad of her such that I changed even my habits for her. I never go to temple but then I went twice with her and just because of her.

________________________________________________________________

Part #3 will be posted in next 3 hours.

“Silent LOVE…” – $25 – #1

As soon as I remembered that particular situation and also the lines which her father said, I decided to stop sending her that message. I expected her to come to dinner and when she dint come, I got hurt and felt the pain. And that gradually started turning out as anger. That particular moment I decided to never ever expect anything from her and just keep loving her no matter whatever it takes.

I decided to not to ask her anything and also not to expect anything as I have clearly understood from every experience that expectations hurt most. I don’t know why, but I have decided to not to talk to her any more as I am afraid that if it goes like this, I may one day show my pain as anger to her and when a situation comes like that, I don’t know how the consequences will be. She may completely misunderstand and stop talking to me. I cannot take that and so I have decided to not to message/call/talk to her any more. Its just three more days here and once I fly to Australia, the only thing I have to make sure is that I don’t disturb her when I see her online in the inter-office communicator.

(Saturday early morning)

I dint sleep the whole night. Various thoughts were disturbing me the whole night and so I was not able to give my eyes a proper sleep. As like every weekend, Vennela will travel to Mumbai at around 5:00 in the morning. This will probably be the last chance for me to meet her for the next 18 months. After the dinner incident, I haven’t heard anything from her and even I dint send her any message. Even though I have decided to not to disturb her any more, some where deep in my heart, a voice is pushing me to go and meet her at the station. But then it will be a little risk as I have to board my flight at 08:30 and the most important thing is that as it is a international travel, I have to make sure that I check-in at least 2 hours prior to the departure time or else the staff may create a problem. As this is a business travel, I cannot risk that. Keeping all these in mind, I planned and prepared myself to go and meet her for the one last time.

My entire luggage is packed and all set to fly and so I decided to risk a bit and go and meet her at railway station. The good thing is that the distance from Pune Jn railway station to Pune international airport is just 8kms and so I have decided to take that risk.

(03:45 AM)

I called the cab service desk with whom my company has already booked a cab to pick me up to request them to come one hour early than the booked time.

“Easy Ride cabs. Good Morning.”

“Hi, I have already booked for a cab to Airport which should come and pick me up at 05:00 AM. But now I want that to be changed to 04:00 AM. Can you please help me in that.”

“Sir, can you please provide me with your name and booking order number.”

“I am Prudhvi and the booking number is C0589677.”

“Thank you sir. Wait a minute before I check the details.”

“Ok.”

“Sir, is this a corporate travel booking?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry sir. As it is a corporate travel booking, the timings cannot be changed. This order came to us from your company and so we cannot modify anything on that.”

I don’t have time to argue with her or convince her and so decided to book another one.

“Ok then cancel that and book a new one under my name.”

“Sir, the rate will be 1.5 times and also it takes at least 30 mins for the cab to arrive at your palce.”

“Can you make it a little faster.”

“Sure sir. Will do our best.”

To my luck, after exactly 30 mins the cab driver reached my hostel. I kept the luggage in the cab and left from the hostel. Akshay is on a  2 weeks vacation so there were no one to wave hands at the hostel. All others will be coming to the airport and so there is no one with whom I have to explain why I am starting soon.

(04:30 AM)

“Driver, take me to Pune Jn Railway station and then from there we have to go to airport.”

“Ok sir.”

On my way to the railway station, I got call from Nandini.

“Hello Nandini.”

“Hey Prudhvi. Good Morning. You got up?”

“Ya Nandini I got up. What about Suchi?”

“Ya we got up, she is getting ready. We will reach airport by 06:00. Is that okay?”

“Ya fine Nandini.”

“Where are you?”

“I am getting ready. Cab will come at 05:30.”

(The moment I said that, the cab driver turned back and looked at me.)

“Okay. Make sure you don’t forget anything.”

“Sure Nandini.”

(04:55 AM)

I reached railway station.

“Driver, wait here. I will come back in 15 mins.”

“Okay sir.”

I dint even think about my luggage and all. I just left  everything in the cab and told him to wait and started running inside the railway station. As I knew that Vennela will regularly board her train on the the 6th plat, I directly reached there. I dint call her or message her whether she is starting and if so then what time she is starting because I decided to not to disturb her any more. Once I reached there, started my search of each compartment right from the front to till the end. But then I was not able to find her in any of the compartments.

I don’t have time to wait and search the next trains as I have to reach airport as soon as possible. And also Nandini and other friends will be waiting for me at the airport. If I am late, I cannot answer their questions and also cannot explain them the reason.

(05:17 AM)

I returned near the cab and got inside. While I was stepping inside the cab, I saw Vennela getting inside the station.

“Driver. Wait here please. I will come back in 5 mins.”

I followed Vennela till her compartment. I made sure that she dint see me. I was just starring at her. I wanted to go and talk to Vennela for one last time.

(05:29 AM)

_________________________________________________________

Part #2 will be out in next 3 hours.

“Silent LOVE…” – $20

(6 weeks later)

 It is the day where most of the employees in the office are so eager about the list that is going to get released by the HR team. It is the list for which people wait days, months and years expecting their name on it. It is the list for which people work extending their time, sacrificing their leaves sometimes and sometimes sacrificing their personal life. It is the list that is going to be released by the HR. This list is released twice a year.

When the list was out, some started celebrating, some started feeling sad and some started thinking of their next steps. I jumped out of joy when I saw her name on the list. May be I am feeling more happy than her. The way she works, the dedication, commitment she shows towards the job, made me wish that she should be on that list. And when that came true, my happiness broke the boundaries

As soon as that news was out, I immediately sent her a text.

“When we are putting our efforts, we should not be thinking of success. But, when the success reaches us, we should not be just let it go away. We have to call if for a celebration. Hearty congratulations Vennela. I am so happy.”

“Thank you so much Prudhvi. I have never expected that my name will be on the list.”

“Hmm… Hey.. Can I ask you one thing?”

“Ya..”

“Thursday morning temple… Please. I guess this is an occasion to visit it?”

“Sure Prudhvi.”

This time, my happiness doubled, tripled and so on. I actually never go to temples and even if I had to go, I never step inside. But, I have to break my rules and I have no other choice. I don’t know whether I am completely changing myself for her. But, one thing is true; I like her so much that I am ready to do anything and everything for her and her smile.

(Thursday Morning)

 

The previous night, I hardly slept for 3 hours. I was so excited that I am going out with Vennela for the first time. The previous time when we were out, it is for training. But, this time, it’s just we both. I was extremely happy for that.

“Vennela. Just tell me when you get ready, I will start from here.”

“07:30 you start Prudhvi.”

“Okay”

I got ready and wore the new dress which I had purchased for her birthday and reached there by 07:00 and was waiting for her. After she came, I requested that we shall go by walk as the temple is not so far.

We both were walking together talking about her promotion and next plans. I was enjoying every moment that I was walking with her. After we entered inside the temple, she started explaining me about each idle but then all I was doing is just looking at her when she was praying to each idle. I don’t know why but I was feeling so happy inside and my heart was filled with joy looking at her. She looked so beautiful that day and her smile arrested me as like always.

After we came out of temple, we reached office and decided to have breakfast together. When her order came, she got up to get it. In that time, I arranged all the gifts on the table. I don’t know whether I will get any perfect moment than that and so immediately took out the gifts from my bag and arranged on the table.

“Hey Prudhvi. What are all these packs?”

“Vennela. I bought you a gift for your birthday but then don’t know why I dint give it to you. But then today it sounded like a perfect occasion for me to do that.”

“Prudhvi…”

“Here is the lucky watch that holds your hand and keeps reminding you to step out of office early. This is for your birthday. And this one is for your promotion and this is your favorite chocolate.”

“Thank you so much Prudhvi. I have never expected this.”

That day was the most memorable day of my life. I had spent almost 3 hours with her looking at her smiles and walking next to her. I had never thought that such a kind of day will ever come. I was extremely happy. I felt like dancing right on the floor.

 (One month later)

 

I travelled to my home town after almost 2 months. This time, I am travelling to celebrate my birthday. Every year, no matter wherever I am, I make sure that I celebrate my birthday at home with my parents and my friends. I reached home just before the day of my birthday.

(Midnight)

 

As like every year, my friends arranged cake cut at mid night. This time, to my surprise, they have arranged it on my roof top. At exactly midnight, everyone started wishing me and then we continued it with cake cut. We had spent almost 2 hours in that midnight. All were in full party mood but then I was looking at my mobile now and then. No one has noticed that I was peeping at my mobile very often. I was expecting a call or message from Vennela. Many people called and messaged me, wishing me. But then I don’t know why, I dint feel it complete. I was expected a wish from Vennela. I don’t know whether she remembered my birthday or not.

The waiting continued till 04:00PM. As the day is going to end, I was not able to control the pain that it is creating in me. Every beep my mobile sounds and every noise that the environment makes, I used to think that I received a message from her. But then when I look at the mobile, it is not Vennela. I began to understand how deep it hurts when the people we expect to wish forgets to do that.

I was not able to wait anymore. I did not know whether what I am doing is right or wrong. I took my mobile and sent her a message.

“Vennela.”

“Hey. Where are you? I am starting early to home. I was looking at your station and you were not there.”

“I am at home town Vennela.”

“Home town? When did you go?”

“Yesterday I reached.”

“You dint even tell me. I thought you might have been to other location. Okay. Why did you go all of a sudden?”

“It’s my birthday Vennela.”

“Oh. I am really sorry. Really really sorry. Happy birthday.”

I was expecting a lot from her from the midnight. But then she dint wish me. And then when I myself reminded her about my birthday, all she did is wished me using two words. “Happy Birthday.”

This time, I got hurt more than before. Then I slowly realized that it’s the expectations of people on others which hurt them. It’s my mistake that I expected a lot from her. She never promised me that she will wish me. It’s me who was expecting from her. Expectations are good when they turn reality. But, when they dint turn out, we get hurt and it pains so deep inside the heart.

(6 weeks later)

I was called for a meeting with my manager. My team lead informed me that I had to attend one on one meeting with my manager.

“Rahul. May I come in?”

“Yes Prudhvi. Come in.”

“Yes Rahul.”

“Take your seat.”

“Thank you Rahul.”

“Rahul, what is this meeting all about?”

“Prudhvi. You have been working in the team from almost 2 years. And your progress is excellent. Even our clients at onshore is very much impressed with your work.”

“Thank you so much Rahul. It’s my duty and my responsibility.”

“Yes. And you have done it so well. And so we have a proposal for you.”

“What is it Rahul?”

“We are planning to send you to onshore location for a period of 18 months.”

“You mean Australia?”

“Yes Prudhvi.”

“But Rahul…”

“I know you have told me long back that you don’t want to work at onshore locations. But then try to understand what I say Prudhvi. This is an excellent opportunity for you and your career.”

“Rahul, I know, and I am excited to hear this. Thank you very much. But then I am really sorry to say NO. I am not at all interested in working out.”

“Take time Prudhvi. Think and let me know.”

We had discussion for about 40 mins where Rahul is trying all ways to convince me for the onshore opportunity.

For about one complete week, I have been thinking on the same thing. I don’t know why I am thinking so much on this. I went home that week to discuss this mom and dad. All they said is its all my wish and the final decision will be mine. There are so many things running in my mind. I cannot just leave everything and go but then opportunities won’t knock the door when we want. They knock only once and just once. And at the time, if we keep delaying, we cannot get back it. I have not informed this to Vennela yet. It’s been almost 3 weeks that we both had conversation. After my birthday, I haven’t sent a message to her.

After thinking for about 10 days and talks with my parents regarding the onshore opportunity, I informed my manager that I am ready to take this up.

As soon as I said this, he immediately started my VISA processing and other initiatives. I was completely busy for 2 weeks with all the process and transfer formalities. When it was almost confirmed that I will be leaving in the next 30 days, I started informing to my friends and relatives.

During this period, even though I was busy with the planning and process, each minute one more thought used to run in my mind, Vennela. After I go there, I don’t know at what times I will be working and whether I will have access to internal communications. I did not know how to stay in touch with her and first of all I am not sure whether she will be in touch with me. The one fact that hurts me a lot is that I am going to miss her. I will be missing her so much that I am not able to imagine or explain. I will be coming back only after 18 months and I am not sure how things will change during that period. Right now I cannot do anything. I cannot stay back here for her as I am not sure what happens next in our relation and also I cannot flyaway as I am very much sure that I will be missing her. For now, I decided to inform her about my opportunity.

“Vennela… are you free?”

I don’t know why, I always send only message to her. I never pick up my phone and call her. I don’t get words to talk with her even in phone or directly. I don’t know whether its fear or something else. And so, I always only text her. She replied me after few minutes.

“Yes Prudhvi. Tell me.”

“I want to tell you one thing.”

“Yes.”

“I have got onsite opportunity and all the formalities are done.”

“What? When all this happened? You never informed me.”

“I thought to inform once it is confirmed.”

“Congratulations Prudhvi. When will you fly?”

“In the next 15 days.”

“What? Just two more weeks?”

“Yes Vennela.”

“Oh nice.”

I don’t know why but then I have decided to ask one thing to her that day.

“Vennela.”

“Ya. My name is Vennela.”

“Can I ask you one thing?”

“Sure Prudhvi.”

“Did I ever make u smile?”

“Ya many times.”

“Prudhvi. You made me smile many times. And especially the message that you have sent during my promotion and when our team has won volley ball championship, I really felt so confident and happy. Thank you lot for that.”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Sure. Why do you need permission for everything?”

“Please keep smiling. All I liked in you is your smile.”

“:)”

She just replied with a smile. I was not knowing how to explain her the battle that is running inside my heart. I wanted to explain her how important she is to me. But then every time I am stepping back.

@ “U are the rays of SUN in my every morning, U r the cool breeze of my every evening, u r the twinkling star when I look at the sky… u r the lightening moon when I walk in the dark….. U r everything in the world I live.” – Mr. Venky Bond

“Silent LOVE…” – $18

I suddenly woke up shouting out loud. I was looking around as I was still not able to believe what happened. I looked at the clock. It is 06:30 in the morning. I rubbed my eyes and started touching and feeling things around me to make sure it’s a dream.

“Prudhvi. What happened?” – Akshay.

“Nothing Akshay. Some bad dream.”

“Dream in the early morning? You have to be careful Prudhvi.”

“Why so?”

“It’s a belief that whatever dreams we get in the early morning, may become true.”

“What? Yes Prudhvi. I heard this from many people.”

“There is nothing like that. Just leave it.”

Even though I spoke like that, but somewhere his statement started making me worry about the dream. I never ever had such a bad dream in my life. Everything seemed out of control and all of sudden I broke out at Vennela with so much anger and pain. I never thought this kind of situation will come. But then it came as a dream. I am more worried now. This should never happen. I should never ever become angry on her. I should never ever bust out at her. Messaging her is my wish. But, replying me is her choice and I should not try to control her. I started getting more and more tensed on this. What if this really happens? I will lose her once and for all. And if that happens, I cannot live with it.

Whatever it may be thanks that it’s just a dream. If it’s real then I cannot imagine her reactions and I cannot be without her. I am worried that if she does this few more times, I may really bust out at her. I decided to not to message or talk until she does.

I got ready and started to office. I was crossing by her station but then dint look at her. I was able to control myself as that dream is making me more worried. I even stopped messaging her. I may not build a much more strong relation with her if I ignore her. But then I should not break this once and for all by showing my anger on her. As like in the dream, I dint reply to three of her messages which she sent in the last 2 weeks.

One day, I had to come across her unexpectedly.

“Prudhvi.”

“Yes Vennela.”

“What happened to you? No replies at all.”

“I have some problem with my mobile Vennela. I am not able to send messages.”

“Okay. Are you also occupied with heavy work at office?”

“Nothing much. Why are you asking like that?”

“Because you were also not talking to me at office and so I thought maybe you are loaded up with heavy work.”

“Nothing like that Vennela. Work is just fine.”

“Okay then will talk to you later.”

“Okay Vennela. Bye.”

I spoke to her quite normal way. I had to lie her that my mobile is not working. But then I was very cool and normal when she spoke with me. May be that dream helped me in predicting and controlling myself.

This continued for two more weeks. I dint message her and also I dint talk to her. This dint last too long. I cooled down myself because no matter how much pain I get when she don’t reply, it’s not more than the happiness I feel when she talks to me and when she smiles at me.

In a relation, there are times where we fight, hurt them or get hurt. But then after quite some time, we have to make things align back. That’s the whole meaning of affection in a relation.

After 2 days, I messaged her that my mobile is working fine. To my luck, she replied immediately and we had a conversation for some time.

(One fine evening)

Next day is her birthday. I planned many things but then I did not know how to execute them because I definitely need to take help of their roommates and if I do that way then I don’t know how she will take it and how her room mates are going to take it. Whatever it is, I decided to first of all buy a gift to her.

I left early from the office and reached nearby watch show room. I decided to buy her a watch. The reason is that I wanted to convey her one thing. Time is the most precious thing that one could give to someone. I wanted to express that to her. After reaching the show room, it took almost 1 hour 30 minutes for me to decide what to gift her. Usually I don’t think this much time for me to shop something. Probably this is the highest time I had to spend at a shop to buy something. I was looking at each model and color and visualizing how it will look on her hand. I don’t want to take any chance as this is the first gift I am gifting her.

After I decided which model to buy, I was breaking my head to decide on what color to buy. This time, I was taking extreme care because the color I choose should be of her liking and choice. I did not know what color to choose and so sent a message to Vennela itself asking for her favorite color.

“Vennela. Can you reply please? Fast.”

I waited for few minutes for her reply. This time she will be working at office and I knew that expecting reply from her will not work. But then I tried it. I have chosen blue, pink and white and was breaking my head on deciding one final color. I sent her a second message.

“Vennela. Please reply. Don’t ask me why and all. Just tell me whether you like blue, pink or white.”

To my luck, she replied for the second message.

“Why?”

“Hey. I told you not to ask questions. Please tell me what your favorite color is. Blue, Pink or White?”

“Hey Prudhvi. Please don’t plan anything for tomorrow.”

“Please tell Vennela.”

“White or Pink anything is fine.”

“Please tell me. White or Pink?”

This time I waited for 7 mins. But then I dint get reply from her.

I had to go with one of them as I am not getting reply from her. But then still I want to buy what she likes and not what I choose.”

I moved on till the billing section but still my eyes and ears are on my mobile waiting for her message. I was breaking a lot on deciding which one to go with.

“Sir, which one shall I pack sir?”

“Can you give me little time? Please.”

“Sir, can you please make it fast?”

As I don’t want to take any chance, I went ahead and bought both of them. After the billing is over, I stepped out and reached hostel. Then I got reply from her.

“White.”

Thanks that at least she replied now. I had my dinner, got fresh up and was thinking how to surprise her. I was thinking so deep on what will surprise her. And then all of a sudden my eyes turned towards the Guitar that was lying at the corner of my room.

I took it out and started practicing the Happy Birthday tune. It took me almost an hour to get it perfect. It’s been long time that I haven’t opened it and so it was a little hard to do it.

Every minute the clock is ticking, my tension is increasing on whether I would be able to wish her perfectly.

At exactly 12:00, I made a call to her mobile and as usual, it is busy. Then I sent her a message to call me back. She called me back at around 12.27. As soon as I attended her call, I dint even speak to her. I just started playing her the happy birthday tune. She felt so happy by the way I wished and thanked me a lot.

@ “I don’t need to look at the sky for the moon, when I have U with me… I don’t need to search for the shining stars when I have two shining eyes to look at… I don’t need to wait for someone, when I have your hands to hold… To the Angel on earth, no matter whatever, I will be your friend forever.” – Mr. Venky Bond

“Silent LOVE…” – $17

As like sometimes, I dint get reply for that. It’s been almost past midnight and I am still waiting for her reply. Even thought I knew that this is common, but somewhere deep in my heart, I always have a small hope that she may reply me and that hope is what driving me forward.

I was not getting sleep for two reasons. On one side, my heart is waiting for her reply and on the other side, my mind is thinking on why she does like that. What might be the reasons behind this? Is it because she doesn’t want to reply purposefully or the situations turn her that way. If she couldn’t reply, then at least she can just send one single message saying that she cannot converse right now. If she does that, then I may not keep waiting for her message and will not get hurt. It really pains a lot when we don’t get something we need after waiting beyond a specific time. Every time when she does this way, I feel like asking her why is she doing this way. But then I will back off. It’s because, she don’t have a reason to reply. What if she just replies like “Why should I reply?” Even though I feel like asking her, I back off thinking about the post reactions.

(Next day morning)

I was in lot of pain that she dint reply and also little bit of anger raged in me on her. I decided to not to talk to her anymore and not to message her any more.

Everyday whenever I walk towards my station, automatically my eyes turn towards her station in search of her. But, that day I had to control a lot to not to look that side. Even though this is being very tough for me, I did it successfully for 2 continuous days. I was controlling myself a lot to not to turn towards her at all. I had to control lot of things that are running in me. I had to control my eyes to not to look at her. I had to control my hands to not to message her. I had to control my mind to not to think about her. But then I realized lately that my heart is not in my control and it is thinking more about her than usual.

I managed myself this way for 2 days. But then I was unable to do it anymore. I started taking a different route towards my station so that I don’t come across her station as I was unable to control them.

(4th day)

I was watching a movie in my hostel room at around 10:30 in the night and all of a sudden I heard a beep. It was my mobile. It received a new message.

“Hello”

It is a message from Vennela. Even though we never talked over a call, most of the times her message uses the word “Hello.”

I immediately started replying her back and then just saved in drafts without sending it to her. The same I had to repeat four days later when I received one more message from her. I did not know what I am doing and why I am doing this way. I used to wait a lot for her reply whenever I send her a message but then now I am purposefully not replying to her messages. I don’t know whether she purposefully do it whenever she don’t reply me. But, now I was doing it purposefully. I am not sure whether this is a right way or not. I don’t know whether its anger on her or on myself. I don’t know whether I am purposefully spoiling a good relation by testing it.

Many times, in a relation we do things to test others just to know how strong the relation is. Some of us do it for fun where as some of us do it in really serious way. As humans, it is quite natural that we want to know how much others trust us or like or love us. And to know that, we do various things. All these things may give us result what we wanted to know but then sometimes this may also do a serious damage to a very strong relation. It is fine to test the relation but then the fact is that. “A relation becomes weaker the more we try to test the strength of it.”

It’s been exactly two weeks that I haven’t talked with her, looked at her or had a conversation with her. This is the first time in the last 1 year. As it is Friday, I was as usual working on my N2N backup. I don’t know why but this is becoming a problem every week. It started troubling and the process is not running usual way. Today it is worse, it failed completely. I was working so hard to find out the reason but then I am not able to do so. It is irritating me a lot. I was receiving mails from my Team Lead asking me the status. After the usual time, he started calling me to my mobile to know the status. I dint attend it during the first 2 calls. But then I attended it third time.

“Hello”

“Hey Prudhvi. What’s happening?”

“I am working on it Raghav. I am not able to find out the issue.”

“What? You have to tell me this before. What should I update to the clients now?”

“Raghav. I am working on it.”

“No Prudhvi. Don’t tell me all this. I want the result in the next one hour. I will call you at 07:00 PM”

“Okay Raghav.”

All my attention is towards finding the issue. After 30 mins, I received a message from Raghav.

“Prudhvi. Send me a status mail in next 30 mins.”

I dint reply to that as fixing the issues is my first priority. As I was working towards it, I heard my mobile ring 3 times. I dint look at it as I am very much sure that it’s Raghav. During the 4th time, I just picked it up.

“Raghav. I told you I am working on it. Please give me some time.”

I dint hear any voice from the other side and so I just spoke again.

“Hello”

“Hello Prudhvi.”

“Nandini?” – I just said this word and looked at the mobile for caller ID and its Nandini.

“Nandini. Tell me. Sorry dear. I thought it was my TL and so just spoke like that.”

“Okay Prudhvi. That’s fine.”

“So, tell me. What’s up Nandini?”

“Prudhvi. I just heard that Shreya and Preetham decided to go for registered marriage sometime within a week.”

“What?”

“I am not 100% sure Prudhvi. But then I just got his info.”

“Okay Okay. I will call you back once I am done with this Nandini.”

“Okay Prudhvi.”

That particular moment seemed so different than my regular Friday evenings. Backup issue, team lead calls and now Shreya’s information, everything started irritating me.

As I am trying to solve things, I heard a female voice calling me.

“Prudhvi..”

“Prudhvi..”

I just turned towards my left to see who that is calling me. Its Vennela.

“Why are you so late?”

“Work.”

“How much more time it will take?”

“Don’t know?”

“Are you fine?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay. What do you think then?”

“What happened to you? You were not talking from 2 weeks. No messages and also not replying to my messages?”

I was in such an irritated mood at that particular moment and then when Vennela came and talked that way as if I was the one who never replies and keeps her waiting, I got little more frustrated.

“Some problem with my mobile, I am not getting messages.”

To my luck, as soon as I said this to her, my mobile started beeping.

“One New Message.”

Vennela looked at the mobile that was lying on the desk. She looked at me very differently.

“Yes, its working. But then I am purposefully not replying you.”

“Why? What happened?”

“See Vennela. This is the first time I was doing like this in the last one year of our relation. But then you have done this many times. Many times you suddenly stop replying. Many times you made me keep waiting for your messages. Many times you ignored me. Did I ever ask you why are you doing like that?”

“Prudhvi…”

“Whenever I send some lines which I write with so much feel on you, you won’t reply. I had to keep waiting for hours and hours and hours. Whenever you go home, I woke up early and will message you asking where you are? Got into bus or not? Reached home or not? But then you won’t reply. And did I ever ask you why are you doing like that? I message you thinking that you will get bored travelling alone and so I will think to give you company through conversations. But then you suddenly won’t reply and I had to keep on waiting. Early morning when you will be returning Pune from Mumbai, I also will get up early and will message you whether you are coming or not, got into train or not. That time also you either won’t reply at all or you will suddenly stop replying. Did I ever ask reason for that? Not just that, many times you stop replying in the middle of conversation. Did I ever ask you that? Do you know how much it hurts and how much it pains? But then I have never asked you. I just used to bare that pain inside me. I am afraid that if I ask you what will be your reaction and also I am afraid that I may lose your relation. See Vennela. I have never forced you to do anything. I never asked you for anything also. Just one smile whenever I see you and just a reply whenever I message you. That’s it. I am not saying you have to keep on conversation with me or you have to give explanation to me whenever you are not replying. All I need is a message that says I will not be able to converse now. Will talk to you later or will text you later. Something like this is enough for me Vennela and then I won’t disturb you until I hear from you. Why don’t you understand this Vennela. I cannot bare the pain anymore. I cannot wait anymore.”

I don’t know why I got busted out that day. All these months I was keeping everything inside me and bearing the pain but then that day I just broke out. I was looking at her waiting for her reactions. I know I almost damaged the whole relation but then I cannot keep this in me anymore. After few seconds, I saw change in expressions in Vennela’s face. I started getting more worried about her reaction now. What if she will stop talking to me once and for all? What if she says who am I to explain things to me? What if she will leave me permanently?

These entire questions were running in mind and waiting for her reaction.

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”

@ “The day you speak out your love, you may get a relation. But the day you speak out your anger, you will definitely lose it.” –Mr. Venky Bond

“Silent LOVE…” – $16

While returning on the second day, it was raining heavily and still we managed to travel back from the training center. We used various means of transport for those 20 Kms. But then ultimately we reached back safe. I dropped her at her room and then started walking from there.

“Prudhvi…”

“Ya Vennela.”

“Thank you.”

“For what Vennela?”

“You really made me smile a lot these two days.”

“Actually, I am selfish Vennela.”

“Selfish?”

“Yes Vennela. I made you smile because I like your smile and to look at you smiling, I did all that.”

I did not know whether I conveyed her perfectly or not but I liked the way she smiled at me when I said that.

Our relation started getting better and better each time we had conversation but then the no of times we interact or converse are very less. I never dare to ask her that I wanna talk her. I just wait for the time to come and when it comes try to make the best of it.

(Two days later)

I just had lunch and returned to the desk. Vennela was sitting at her station and was working very seriously.

“Hey, you dint go for lunch yet?”

“No Prudhvi. Lots of work pending.”

“So you are sacrificing lunch today?”

“Not like that. I will go after few minutes.”

“It’s already 02:30 Vennela. When will you go?”

“I just need to finish this and send mail to the Analytics team.”

“Vennela. The world is not going to end if you send it after 30 mins. Just go for lunch, come back and then you can continue your work.”

“Hmm. I will. I will”

As I was talking to her, I am receiving call from Nandini.

“Go for Lunch first Vennela. Go.” – I just said those lines to her and attended Nandini’s call.

“Hello Nandini.”

“Prudhvi.”

“Yes Nandini. Tell me.”

“Where are you?”

“Just now had lunch and came back to station.”

“Okay. I have to speak regarding Shreya.”

“Ya tell me Nandini.”

“It is becoming a real mess up at her house regarding Preetham.”

“What happened Nandini?”

“Her father came to know that she went to Preetham home town.”

“What is he saying?”

“He dint talk to her yet. But then she is worried that he will arrange for some marriage very soon.”

“Hmm. I knew this would definitely happen.”

“I told her during the academy days itself to make this out clear and talk to her dad.”

“Even I told her the same thing many times. She never listened. And she is not even caring any of us. She is completely into him.”

“Don’t worry Nandini. I will talk to her.”

“Yes that’s why I called you. She is coming to your office for the next two days. So, you can meet her there.”

“Really? When?”

“This Thursday and Friday she will be there.”

“Okay sure Nandini. Will talk to her and will let you know.”

(The next day)

The first thing I did the next day is to call to Shreya. I tried calling her three times but then she dint answer the call. And then I have texted her.

“Shreya. Call me back.”

She called me back at around 6 in the evening and then I dint pick it up.

“Hi Prudhvi. I came to your location today. Sorry couldn’t meet you up. Tomorrow evening definitely we will catch up.”

I replied to her message.

“Tomorrow we should meet for sure Shreya. I have to talk to you.”

(Next day)

The next day, the only thing that was running in my mind is that I have to meet Shreya and talk to her. As it is Friday, I was working seriously on a N2N backup which is my regular task every Friday. It is creating issues as two of the 8 nodes are not responding to the requests. It usually used to get completed by 05:00 PM. But then today it took almost one hour extra and still it is not completed. As I was working with the issue, Shreya started calling me.

“Hey Shreya. Go to the top floor and wait in the open cafeteria. I will come there in few minutes.”

“Okay.”

While I was walking to meet Shreya, I saw Vennela sitting and working very seriously. I couldn’t talk to her anything as Shreya is waiting for me there.

“Hey Shreya. How are you?”

“Hey Prudhvi. I am fine. How about you?”

“I am super as always. So, how is life going? No calls, no messages. Busy busy?”

“Nothing like that Prudhvi. Just work that’s it.”

“Okay. So, what else?”

“You have to speak out Prudhvi. You said you have to talk to me something?”

“Yes.”

“What’s that Prudhvi?”

“How is dad?”

“Ya he is fine.”

“I heard that something is going on.”

“What Prudhvi?”

“Shreya. Let me come straight to the point.”

“Did you talk to your dad regarding Preetham?”

She is not responding to my questions and just remaining silent.

“Shreya. Talk to me. I called you to talk regarding this.”

“No. We dint speak on that.”

“What are you planning?”

“Preetham is waiting for his onsite opportunity. Once it is confirmed we planned to talk this in our home.”

“What if your dad looks out matches before that?”

“I will not accept.”

“Then you have to let him know now itself so that he will not run into that and will start thinking on this.”

“He won’t accept this Prudhvi.”

“Why do you think so?”

“How do you think he will accept this Prudhvi?”

“Do you know that he won’t accept?”

“Yes I know.”

“You should first of all talk to him and then come a conclusion Shreya. Just like that you cannot decide for yourself.”

“So you mean I don’t have right to decide things in my life?”

“No I am not saying that way. But then you have to talk to him and then make your plans.”

Discussion between me and Shreya went on for almost 1 hour. Finally I made her understand that she should first talk to her father before deciding something. She nodded her head but then I am not sure how she is going to actually behave. I dint go too far as I am afraid what kind of decisions she may take and what if she may say that who am I to involve in her decisions. I just told her what I felt as a friend. And as the time is almost 08:45, I asked her to leave as the last cab to her location is at 09:00 PM.

I went with her till the cab and when the cab left, I returned back to my station. I directly came to my station without even looking at Vennela’s desk as I was sure that she may leave by that time.

After reaching the station, I saw the status of N2N backup. It got completed successfully. I then immediately shared the reports to my team lead and had shut down the system.

I took the bag and was about to start. I saw Vennela still sitting at her desk and working. And none of their team members were there.

“Hey Vennela. Still working? Its 09:10.”

“Ya Prudhvi. Closing some issues.”

“When will you start?”

“In just 15 mins I will start.”

“None of your team members are also there. Is that okay? How will you go back?”

“I will go back Prudhvi. Don’t worry. You just start.”

I thought of asking that I want to stay back so that we both will start. But then she will definitely not agree because she doesn’t like if I do things like this for her.

“Hey Prudhvi. Why did you stay back late?”

“I met one of my academy friends and so it became late.”

“Okay.”

I said okay and then waved my hands at her. I walked till the Stilt floor but then something is dragging me back. I was not at all able to move from there leaving her all alone.

(10:17 PM)

I was waiting for her outside. When I saw her walking out of the building, I went near to her.

“Hi Vennela.”

“Hey Prudhvi. One hour back you have started. What are you doing here?”

“Shall I tell the truth?”

“Hmmm.”

“If I say I will stay, you won’t allow me. And I cannot leave you alone and go in this late night.”

“Hmmm. Really you are…”

“Ya. I am?”

“Nothing.”

“Hey Vennela. How are you planning to go now?”

“We will catch up some auto.”

“All auto’s also went back home Vennela. They are not workaholic like you.”

She dint smile for the joke which I tried to crack because she is already much tired.

“Hey Vennela. Shall we walk?”

“What? 3 Km’s? No way.”

“I am not forcing you. I am just asking you as we don’t have any chance now.”

She started thinking and after 2 mins she put her step forward.

Seeing that, I shouted out loud.

“Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing Vennela. For the first time I am walking with you. Daily I go by walk in this route enjoying the greenery. And today you joined in my walk and so felt very much happy”

I thought I will speak so much to her. But then as usual words dint flow out. I just spoke very little. But I was enjoying walking with her. After reaching out, I dropped her till her room and returned to hostel.

While I was walking to hostel, I got some lines in that happiness and shared them with her through message.

@ “The route that used to be dark every day, seemed so bright. The breeze that used to be hot seemed so cold. The walk I used to get tired made me feel wonderful. The moon that was dull is shining bright. Every step I walked, asked me for another. Every minute I spent, asked me for another. When I looked around for the reason for all these, all I saw is your SMILE.” – Mr. Venky Bond

“Silent LOVE…” – $15

I just smiled when she said those lines. We had conversation for almost 2 hours as we are meeting almost after a year. And, as usual I dropped her till her room and returned back to my hostel at around 11:30 in night.

As it was raining heavily, I kept my mobile inside my backpack and didn’t take it out till I reached hostel. After reaching hostel, I just took it out and saw calls that I missed from Nandini. And there were also some messages.

“Prudhvi. Hope you reached back safe. Message me once you are there.” – Nandini

I just pressed the CALL option and connected to her.

“Nandini.”

“Hey Prudhvi. Did you reach back safely?”

“Yes Nandini. Just now I reached.”

“Okay. Good. Talk to you later Prudhvi. Had good time speaking with you.”

“Me too Nandini. Stay in touch. Good night.”

“Good night Prudhvi.”

(Next day)

I just got up at my usual time, got ready and started to office. While I was walking to my station, as usual my eyes turned towards Vennela’s station. It was empty as she is on leave today. The moment it got recorded in my mind, I decided not to think about that and just go on with my tasks. I was actually eagerly waiting for the end of the day just to see will there be any difference when compared to other days.

(End of the day)

At the end of the day, I just began to re-wind myself on how the day went on. And the only difference I could feel is that the number of times my eyes looked at her station got reduced little bit and apart from that, I could feel no other difference.

Whenever she returns from home, she starts at 3 in the early morning catching the intercity express. It’s been 24 hours almost that we dint converse. I woke up at around 4.30 and messaged her.

“Good morning Vennela. Started back?”

I had to wait for about 40 mins for her reply. Finally I just received two characters from her.

“GM.”

For few seconds, I dint understand what to reply her. Whenever we wish someone, we wish whole heartedly and according to me that can be expressed by the way we wish. I don’t know why some people use corporate short cuts in personal life conversations which actually convey a wrong message. Whenever she replies short cuts, it hurts me a little bit but then will never convey this to her as accepting everything is the basic rule of a true relation.

“Got into train?”

“Ya. Woke up early?”

I was very excited to tell her that I woke up to wish her. But then backed off. I don’t know why but I never express anything to her openly and also I never tell her anything whatever I feel on her.

“Just like that Vennela.”

I was waiting for her reply and then slowly ran into sleep. When I woke up at 7 in the morning, I was actually expecting a reply from her. But then she did not reply anything. She does this quite sometimes. She suddenly stops replying sometimes between the conversations. And I never ask her why she is doing like that. I used to wait for hours for her reply but then never used to ask her the reason. This is because I feel like the moment I ask her for explanations, I am afraid how she is going to take that and react to that. No matter how much time I have to wait and no matter how much pain I have to take, I just used to take it and keep it inside me without questioning anything on why she is doing that way.

Relations are more beautiful and meaningful when we know how to maintain them. The more we start expecting from other or the more we start questioning others, the more we start damaging the relation. We have to trust other and give freedom to others in such a way that even though they decide to leave, we have to accept it and allow them to leave. Because, we cannot maintain a relation in force. It is a feel that others should have in them and when they think they don’t have that in them and wanted to leave, we have to let them move away instead of holding them back. I know it’s too hard in most of the cases, but then that’s the ultimate way of caring others. Our love or care should not be a burden to them and should not be like we are forcing them.

I never used to force her for anything or ask her any question as I was afraid how she is going to take. I like her a lot and I want her relation. And for that I am ready to take any amount of pain.

(Evening)

“Hey Vennela. You too registered for the AIS training?”

I sent her a message when I saw the list of employees who registered for the training that is scheduled for the next two days at the other office which is 30 kms away from here.

“Yes Prudhvi. How did you know?”

“Even I registered. I got a mail from them on the timings and venue details. And in that list of people, even your name was also there.”

“Hmm. Okay.”

That was the first time I asked her something.

“Vennela. Can I ask you one thing?”

“Yes Prudhvi.”

“Can I join with you tomorrow morning?”

“To the training venue?”

“Ya”

“Sure Prudhvi. You can.”

“Wow. Thank you so much Vennela.”

“Hachcho. What’s there to thank in this.”

“I don’t know Vennela. I just felt happy and so said thanks to you.”

“Hmmm.”

“Okay. What time you will start in the morning?”

“07:00 AM”

“Okay. Message me once you got up.”

“Okay Prudhvi. Sure.”

That was the first chance I got to travel with her and spend some time with her. I was preparing a lot what to talk, how to talk and such things. I thought of telling everything that I feel on her and make her understand how important she is to me.

(Next day morning)

We both met each other at bus bay and got into bus. I sat next to her. When we got settled, I slowly started conversing with her.

“Vennela. I don’t know why but then whenever I see you, I forget everything that I plan to speak with you.”

She dint reply anything to that and just smiled at me. I cracked little jokes, made some fun and made her laugh during the entire journey.

While she was smiling for my lines, I was looking at her without even closing my eye lids.

“Hey. What are you looking at?”

“Your smile Vennela. That’s where everything started.”

“Everything?”

“I mean. Your smile is what I like most in you.”

“Hmmm.”

Even though it took 70 mins to reach destination, I dint feel the time at all. During the entire journey, she is continuously smiling.

@ “In Life, some moments make us Smile, some moments make us cry, some moments make us think. But, only very few moments leave us blank without words.” – Mr. Venky Bond